he puts the penis in happiness.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
