fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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