I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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