Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
