I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
