Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
