bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I AM VODKA MAN
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
