brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i drank out of a bidet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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