When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
