So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
