I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
