Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
