I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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