I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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