i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
