96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
