let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
