counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
