Your mouth is God's brothel.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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