I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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