his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What a dumb baby whore.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
