Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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