wanna go halves on a baby?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
