I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
