I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my liver is dry heaving
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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