Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
