honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
