I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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