after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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