I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
