We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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