MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
