id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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