does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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