i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
