The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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