dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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