Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
