If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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