Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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