i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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