I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
