he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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