i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
