nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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