So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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