The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
