The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
