this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
