Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
