Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
