It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
