How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
