your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
