This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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