So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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