Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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