I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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