Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
