the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
