i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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