just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
