R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
