You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
