I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
