Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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