im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
