my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
