i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
