The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
