please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
